Wednesday, June 4, 2008

A Mom's Angst

It was time.

My head knew it. My heart, however, ached -- and still does -- yesterday at the realization that the last vestiges of my little boy are disappearing, piled in bags in the hall ready to be donated to charity.

I was thrilled in the afternoon when, with no prompting from me, my new high school sophomore started clearing out a few things from his room and closet. I walked in at one point and saw a stack of jeans on the floor ready for Goodwill; I think he outgrew his jeans twice during this school year, so that was great to discard those for more room.

He's an avid reader, and some reorganizing of his bookcase was necessary - that was all fine and dandy.


But then, while I was fixing dinner, he walked through the kitchen and announced, "There are 3 trash bags of Bionicles for Goodwill." I smiled, and only said "Wow!", but inside, my heart twisted, and a song (there's always a song!) began running through my mind. Along with those, I also saw discarded Legos, fire trucks, cars, and other little boy toys he had never before been ready to relinquish.

As a little guy (wasn't that just last week?!), he loved playing with his "traffic." That's what he called it when he was 3. After all, if lots of cars on the road = traffic, lots of cars on the floor should be called that as well, right?! And though he hasn't played with them in years, they've remained in his closet, steadfast and constant even through several previous clean-outs. Until today.

After dinner, he proudly showed me his closet, which once again was a walk-in. I smiled and told him what a good job he had done. (I did take comfort in seeing that he had kept one truck, an Electric Company bucket truck that the Houston Power Department sold as a special promotion when he was 3. My dad ordered it for my boy's Christmas present a week or two before he died - in fact, it was delivered a few days after my dad's funeral. My boy adored his granddaddy and although the memory is vague, he knew that truck was associated with him and kept it.)

As I left his room, I bravely walked past the bags and piles in the hall ready to be donated.

And came to listen to the song:


A dragon lives forever, but not so little boys. . . .


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18 comments:

A Stone Gatherer said...

I can't sing the song for the tears! My little boy is growing up too! I am very proud of how you handled it. I only hope I don't break down in streams of tears when it finally comes to relinquishing those things that single boyhood! I'm feeling your pain and your proud!

Karen said...

As I've watched my son turn into a hairy faced sixteen year old, I know exactly how you feel. He'll be a junior this fall which is probably the only reason I didn't want to see the school year end. Oh, how the days pass so quickly. (and we won't even mention the daughter who is planning her wedding...)

Shonda said...

My oldest son turned 18 and I am wondering how it went by so fast.

What a nostalgic moment with the song!

Now I'm off to figure out how I can get my boys to clean out their closets...

Blessings in Christ--

Cindi said...

Thank you for your sweet welcome on my blog! I am yet a fledgling.....

Oh, how I relate to your post. 2 teenaged boys in this household, who are pulling away from Mama so rapidly it makes my head spin!

Cleaning up their rooms without prompting?? How in the world does that happen??!

Kelli said...

I am feelin' this one with you, girl. My youngest daughter just gave away all her polly pockets (which was huge for her) and my oldest is about to get her license. At times, I just want to shove them back in their cribs yet I so love them where they are and the relationships we have. What a wild ride this motherhood is!

Kelli

Brandie said...

Oh my goodness. I have not even thought about that part yet! My little boy is only 7 and he breaks my heart everyday to see how much he is growing and changing and needs his mommy less and less.

Kelly @ Love Well said...

What Brandie said.

My oldest is only six, and my only boy is four. But I already feel the time moving too fast.

Every day with them is precious.

Xandra said...

You totally made me cry at work.

While I am happy to be the recipient of the Bionicles, I hate that it's because your son is outgrowing them.

Love ya,

Xandra

Becoming Me said...

Oh, you made me cry.

Lisa a.k.a. The Preacher's Wife said...

Now why'd you have to go and make me cry?

My oldest son cleaned out his 'junk drawers' the other day and I found his school pictures in the trash. He threw away school pictures!

I calmly explained to him that though they meant nothing to him, that a momma never threw away pictures of her children. I don't think he got it, but he took the pictures out of the trash anyway. :)

That's okay - one day he'll understand.

Sandy@ Jesus and Dark Chocolate said...

Oh I can so relate to this endearing post Linda!!!

Strawberry Blonde said...

I have two children. My daugher is 7 and my son will be 4 Saturday. I am having a hard time with this brithday for some reason. He's no longer my baby, he is becoming my big boy. I am so happy and sad to see him grow.

Please do not donate all of his toys. Pick some of his very favorites to keep for his children. My son loves to play with daddy's old hot wheel toys.
-- Brandi

Chris @ Come to the Table said...

Linda,
I love this post! Oh, I have felt every emotion here. It is wonderful to see them grow, but so hard to let go. My oldest jumped in the car after school today and announced I was now looking at a Junior in High School. I wanted to cry...

Genny said...

Linda,
As I write this, there are several bags of toys and clothes that my kids have outgrown sitting in the driveway waiting to be picked up by Salvation Army. Everyone says to enjoy each moment with your kids because they grow up so fast, and now that both of mine are in elementary school (and we don't have a single bottle or diaper in the house, and haven't in a long time), I feel it! Your post made me teary...

And thanks so much for the book! I'm excited to have won! I'll email you...

boutcrazy said...

Before I read your post, I was remembering the tree houses my kids would build and the hole they were trying to dig to China in. It goes too fast. I have a daughter in college and a son who is a freshman in high school this year. One day he was standing next to me, and I had to look up to see him. My babies! Thank you for the song. (But I hid all the leggos and Power Rangers, some day he is going to want them again. My daughter has already pulled her Barbies back out.)

Julie Stiles Mills said...

Linda,

I agree with Strawberry Blond, keep some. Some of the favorites. You won't be sorry.

Donna said...

I think the Lord brought me to this post on this day when my son who loves cars is turning 3. It's interesting to get a peak at the future...

Thanks.
Donna @ Did I Say That Out-Loud?

Lisa writes... said...

I am realizing that those days I wished would end, now I wish for them back! They do indeed grow up, and far too fast...