Monday, May 11, 2009

Monday Musings

It's never been this way before.

And while I was not particularly emotional, at least outwardly, Mother's Day was just a bit off-kilter yesterday. The reality fully hit me last week when I went to buy my MIL's Mother's Day card and, for the first time ever, I did not buy one for my own mother. And since my MIL gets a Mom card, while my mom always got a Mother card, this meant a whole category of cards were left untouched, so it was a glaring change.

An article I read yesterday mentioned that the author's mom knew she was no longer a child when her own mother died. How true that is. The realization that there is no longer that "buffer" generation between me and life's end stings just a bit. And no matter how much the roles were reversed in the final years as I cared for my mom, and no matter how aggravating and pseudo-dysfunctional our relationship could be, my mother's love was like no other.

The big girl panties are here to stay.


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9 comments:

Xandra@Heart-of-Service said...

Oh Linda! I thought about you yesterday, and hoped that it would not be difficult for you. I guess the upside is that you've made it through that first one...

Love you much!

Xandra

Latte With Me said...

I think Xandra read my mind!

I'm glad your first one has come and gone. *hugs*

Natalie said...

This post touched my heart.

Letters From Midlife said...

I'm sorry for your loss and the empty place left in your life. Thank you for sharing this part of your heart.

sara said...

I had a hard time yesterday too. Those firsts really stink, don't they.

And then today the unthinkable happened...I accidentally erased the last message my Aunt left me on my machine.....it broke my heart.

Those big girl panties just don't fit so well on some days.

praying for you, Linda.

A Stone Gatherer said...

Big {{hug}} to you Linda! I hope you had a wonderful day with your family and remembered your Mother with a smile!

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

I read through everyone's comments and feel the same things. I feel bad about being so busy this weekend and not having checked in on you and Sara. There's so much I could say here, but I'm afraid of it coming off like a sermonette of encouragement. Just know that my heart hurts for you, and I'm glad you shared some of the feelings with us, because even though miles separate us, we do care. I care.

Kelly @ Love Well said...

I thought about you this weekend, too, Linda. It's cool to me how God looks out for his own, even in something as simple as rallying the troops to pray.

Praying still. (And sending ice cream.)

Julie Stiles Mills said...

I too read all these comments and you have a hug and a prayer from me as well.

This time last year, we were helping my mother pack the moving truck to leave. Weird.

This Mother's Day was a little off for me, spending much of the day in bed recovering from too much post surgery activity on Friday and Saturday, but I did remember to wish my sister a Happy FIRST Mother's Day.

I know it's way in the future, but that first Mother's Day as a grandma is going to be AMAZING. Something WONDERFUL to look forward to. In the future. YEARS into the future, but something wonderful to look forward to, nonetheless.