True Love

In my past experience as a nurse in the Home Health setting, and more recently as we are supporting my mother-in-law in the journey of my father-in-law's Alzheimer's, I've learned some wonderful lessons about love. Commitment. What it means to serve your spouse, in sickness & in health, for better or for worse. When age & illness have taken up permanent residence, and when "better" and "worse" are only relative terms that can change on a daily, or even hourly, basis.

And as the annual "wedding season" is upon us, with its blushing brides (I pray that there are still a few who DO blush!), nervous grooms, tender vows, and dreams of "happily ever after," I've been thinking about how I've seen love in the waning years demonstrated .

When all that remains is a shell of the person you married, what then?

As I was with my mother-in-law this weekend, and we made daily trips to the facility where my father-in-law currently is, these words came to mind:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. I Corinthians 13:4-7

Familiar words, no doubt. But they have taken on a whole new meaning to me now:

• Love is patient. When you can't understand what he says. When you tell him "Hi, honey, it's me" 3 or 4 times in the same visit. When his condition is the same day after day after day.
• Love is kind. When he doesn't know or care if you are there, you go anyway. When he can't manage his basic needs, you willingly do it for him, whether it is brushing his teeth, wiping his nose, or other personal matters. Love speaks kindly of him to others.
• Love does not boast, it is not proud. It's about his needs being met, not about you receiving accolades.
• Love is not self-seeking. You do what you do because because you love him and it is the right thing to do, not for attention. Nor for martyrdom.
• Love is not easily angered. When he's confused and agitated, you don't take it personally. You know he doesn't understand or intend what he says or does.
• Love keeps no record of wrongs. You let go of what happened 10, 20, 40 years ago, not thinking "he deserves this" or "I don't deserve this."
• Love always protects. You "go to bat" for him, making sure he gets the best of care. Even if you'd rather not make that phone call or confront that staff member.
• Love always perseveres. You "keep on keeping on," with God's grace, strength, and presence, fulfilling your vow 'til death doth us part.

(Of course, this demonstration of love isn't limited to marriage relationships. These examples are also ways we honor our parents and our husband's parents in their twilight years. Much easier to type than to do, 'tis true. I struggle with this on an almost daily basis with my mom.)

All that I learn, all that I know, all that I expound upon, are worthless trash if I don't live in this "most excellent way." The key, I suspect, is to use opportunities to sacrificially show love to my husband now as a dress rehearsal, so to speak, for the grand finale, so that by then it will be second nature.

Impossible? Absolutely -- in my flesh! -- but God's grace is sufficient, and His power provides all I need.